I want to make an impact in people's lives, not for myself, but I want others to see the greatness and love of Christ! ...for it is a BIG DEAL y'all. God is magnificent in every way and I want to be someone who can share His love and His light, but I battle with my "calling" or "responsibilities" as a mom and wife. Should the house be a priority today or should Hannah? Should Hannah be a priority today or should Chris? Everyone in the world has their input and they are always willing to give it, whether or not it's helpful! Basically, when I'm trying to decide what should go on top of my priority list, I hear a million different things and I end up feeling guilty if I do something opposite of what I "hear" in my head.
This mom (points to self) is a bundle of chaos and sometimes I feel as if every other mom has it all together.
I recently discussed with some mom friends of mine how it's discouraging when I see how "easy" some moms have it. Not that their life is perfect or easy, it just seems that way to me. They seem to have the happiest family and at the same time, a super clean and organized house, and still all the time in the world. The conversation I had with my friends was a great reminder for me! I was reminded that those who struggle and share those struggles with others, those are the people that encourage us the most and give us hope! The women I have met who are real and honest about their weaknesses and failures, their anger and frustration...those are the women who inspire me and encourage me to continue growing.
This brings me hope simply because my life is a bundle of chaos. It really
really is, and I am okay with that. My house is hardly ever clean. I have trouble getting dinner on the table five or six nights out of seven. We have bug problems every now and then because I like to leave the doors open during the day. I almost always forget to dry the clothes once the washing machine is done, and by the time I realize it, I've had to wash the clothes all over again because they smell. Usually I forget about it a second time and have to wash it a third time. Ugh.
My kitchen and dining room are currently a disaster. I spent Saturday night cooking meat and baking a cake. I spent all of Sunday cooking chili, baking a cake and making mousse and a new kind of sea foam frosting. I even had to learn how to create a "double boiler" because, well, I don't have one! I had no time to clean up anything and my husband spent all of his time entertaining Hannah and her cousin so I could cook and bake in "peace". So here we have bowls filled with bits of chocolate mousse, sea foam frosting, cups filled with left over coffee, empty containers,...etc. We both looked at it when we got home and after putting Hannah to bed and said "we'll do it tomorrow". Yep. We're guilty of putting it off another day. Did we clean it today? No, because we both realized that we were tired and had a rough day. So we decided that getting out together as a family was more important tonight. To the playground we go!!!
At least my laundry area is some what cleaner than usual!
My desk. I really don't use my desk to do much work...apparently. I also
have no idea how long that plate has been there, and I don't think it's
mine. Oops. Paper work I haven't organized, craft supplies I haven't
put up...you know the drill. And this box, Chris emptied out my car I am
no longer using and I'm supposed to go through this. Haven't done it
yet as you can see.
Chris and I talked a lot today about how it
seems like just when we're getting on top of things, other stuff just
gets in the way and makes it nearly impossible to complete the previous
task. I'm pretty sure everyone goes through this almost every single
day, especially working individuals and parents. Just when I have energy
and motivation, Hannah is her clingiest and nothing gets done. Just
when I feel on top of the world, my child won't let me let go of her. I
know I'm not the only one who goes through this!
Like I said, I made a cake on Saturday and Sunday. It seriously was the
funniest looking cake I have ever made and I was really embarrassed by
it! I was going to write an entire post on this recipe, but (1) I forgot
and (2) it ended up being really hilarious! Haha! It was a
Devils Food Cake with a nutella/espresso mousse filling (as seen in
this post) and a
seven-minute sea foam frosting. Anyways...doesn't that chocolate cake batter look so delicious??? Yum!
This is Hannah running around my messy living room drinking my empty cup of a Starbucks frappuccino. Still in her pjs at 4:30 in the afternoon. :)
This is my incomplete photo wall. We have lived in the house now for one whole year. As you can see, the bottom frame holds no picture. I should probably find one to put in there. There are also two missing frames. Where did they go? I really don't know, but I'm pretty sure Hannah stole them off of the wall. I'm not kidding. Maybe they'll show up one day soon.
But hey, at least my toe nails are painted...kinda. You can't tell
because of my quirky toes, but my middle toes are pretty much naked. No
nail polish. :(
Today was a "let's get wet and dirty" kind of day. What did I accomplish? I got to my obgyn appointment on time. Hannah took a nap. I rested like a good pregnant lady should. We played outside. Other than that, a whole lot of nothing!!! Ya know what though, I enjoyed every minute of it!
I've come to the conclusion that my house does not
make me. Whether my house is clean or dirty, I've still got a soul to raise and to teach. Some days are just going to be like this. Very "unproductive" or so we tend to think. Today I cuddled with my daughter every chance I got. I wasn't busy cleaning my house telling her "no, don't touch that" or "not right now deary". I spent my day loving on this brilliant little girl! When her daddy came home from work exhausted and frustrated, we decided to go to McDonald's for dinner. Do we go to McDonald's often?
Heck no. I hate McDonald's. We never ever
ever go to McDonald's! But today was different. We
needed that time together as a family, outside of the home. We laughed and giggled and wore ourselves out climbing the playground with Hannah. She loved it! She faced some of her fears (like separation, independence and heights) as we struggled to fit into all the different levels of that playground!
I think of Mary and Martha when I look back on days like this.
Luke 10:38-42 (New King James Version)
38 Now it happened as they went that He entered a certain village; and a certain woman named Martha welcomed Him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet and heard His word. 40 But
Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and
said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?
Therefore tell her to help me.”
41 And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. 42 But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”
(via www.biblegateway.com)
Some days (or moments) we should be choosing to slow down and simply
be in His presence. I
am realizing more and more that my walk with Christ is not based on how
well I hold my life together (saying that even sounds ridiculous), it's
how I obey Him, listen to Him, pursue Him and love others. Some days it
is
OKAY to simply
LOVE others and not worry about anything else! It really is! In fact, some seasons in life are mostly just that, being present and loving on others! And
THAT'S OKAY!
Chris and I talked a lot today about how it
seems like just when we're getting on top of things, other stuff just
gets in the way and makes it nearly impossible to complete the previous
task. I'm pretty sure everyone goes through this almost every single
day, especially working individuals and parents. Just when I have energy
and motivation, Hannah is her clingiest and nothing gets done. Just
when I feel on top of the world, my child won't let me let go of her. I
know I'm not the only one who goes through this!
Some days I just feel seriously defeated. Not because I didn't have a good day or anything, but because I feel as if I am never enough simply because I don't "conquer" everything people seem to be mastering. Or that I didn't "conquer" the things that people tell me I need to do. We seem to be taught that there are standards to reach as wives, as parents, as...whatever, fill in the blank. I
must have my house clean at all times. I
must have a healthy dinner every night for my family. I
must have a tidy bathroom. I
must have a lawn that looks freshly mowed. My floors
must always be swept. Of course, every time anything is ever mentioned it is spoken as to make the individual feel as if it's not safe for someone else (like Hannah). It sucks. It really sucks, this whole "I feel guilty all the time 'cause I'm a mom" thing. (That's a whole 'nother topic for another day!)
I am sharing this really to remind myself of the truth.
My bedroom may be a wreck. My desk may never been organized but once every three months. My floors may need to be swept. However, I guarantee you that there is not a single item on my floors (or in reach of prying fingers) that is a danger to Hannah or any other child. I am a
GOOD MOM! and so are you! We do what's best for our family, and each family is different. And you know what??? I am DONE with feeling guilty over things that do not define me. I LOVE my life! I have the sweetest, funniest, brightest and most brilliant daughter who looooves to give me kisses and hugs! I have the most patient, calm, peaceful, smart, hard-working, selfless husband a woman could ask for! Although I suffered with depression at the beginning of this pregnancy, it's gone now!!! (HALLELUJAH!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!) This little baby is growing and is the sweetest little nugget I've ever seen in the womb! I saw him/her gently playing with their hands today! What a miracle!!!
I am so grateful that my job as a stay-at-home mom allows me to put off some of my responsibilities for a couple of days and focus on my family's well being. Sometimes, they should just come first. No if, and's or but's!
Sometimes you just need to put down the broom and just spend time with the people in your life!
Even if you feel like your life isn't together and you haven't figured out a routine yet, it is still okay to put the broom down! There is a time for work and a time for loving others! So don't feel guilty momma, when you haven't finished everything that was on your chore list! Don't feel guilty when your kitchen sink is never empty or when your laundry pile keeps growing! God has placed you as a care-taker of this home, yes, but He has also given you the very important role (even more important in my mind) of raising up a God-fearing husband and children! A clean home doesn't make God-fearing children (or a husband)...time, prayer, Scripture, worship and love do!
I'm done feeling guilty!!!
So who's with me???
