MARRIAGE IS HARD

"Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other." Romans 12:10

To say that marriage is hard is an understatement sometimes. 

Honestly, I almost titled this post "Marriage Sucks" but then I thought that might be a little harsh and that some people might get offended before they even read what I wrote. Not that that should matter, but still...

 

Marriage is hard. REALLY HARD. Possibly the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life. That is no exaggeration.

Marriage involves daily acknowledging and admitting of your own failures, weakness and sins. It involves your spouse learning daily how to forgive and forget those weaknesses, failures and sins. It involves learning to transform your speech to positive speech and gratitude. Being grateful and positive all the time. ALL THE TIME. Even if you're not "feeling it".

Marriage involves humbling yourself daily to the extent that some days you simply turn the other cheek. It involves actively living out patience and God's truth. It involves real OBEDIENCE to God's Word.

 "So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples."
John 13:34-35

Being honest here, it can really suck sometimes. Communication and confrontation can be very painful. Often there is blame on both parties which makes it difficult to put one issue aside so that you can effectively deal with the issue at hand. It's difficult learning to compartmentalize during a heated conversation or argument.

It takes a TEAM EFFORT to learn how to tackle one issue at a time WITHOUT bringing up something else in the process. In order to move forward and move past something, we have to be able to discuss that ONE issue, leaving the rest behind for a little bit.

A TEAM EFFORT is not ONE person being eager to grow, but BOTH. You BOTH have to be eager and willing to change, grow and really work at communicating. Note I said "work at" communicating. It's a really long process.

We as people are complicated. We aren't going to have each other figured out after just a few disagreements! People change. Our desires change. Our needs change. Our moods change. This means our conversations will change. Our arguments will change. Sadly, we are not a steady people. We change constantly. Everything about us, our hearts and our minds, it changes constantly. This means you must recognize that communication will be a never ending learning experience.

In marriage, you have to recognize, acknowledge and admit on a daily basis that your marriage is NOT about YOU, YOUR HAPPINESS or YOUR SPOUSE'S HAPPINESS, but it is about becoming more like Christ! This is TRUTH. Soak it in.

Have you come to the conclusion yet that your spouse is not perfect? That he or she is not always going to be the man or woman you WANT? Maybe your spouse is not really satisfying you right now. Maybe you feel lonely or ignored.


Let me remind you of some basics in life.

Your spouse is...well, YOUR SPOUSE!
YOU cannot change your spouse. They are who they are. Only God can change them and only God can motivate them to change.


My husband, Chris, is Chris...and I am Stephanie. We are two very different people. We have different convictions, different desires, different motivations, different weaknesses and different strengths. We clean the house differently, we read the Word differently, we sleep differently, we wake up differently...we are very, VERY different people. So are YOU and YOUR SPOUSE.

You've just got to get over it. You've got to accept the truth that your spouse is NOT YOU and YOU are NOT YOUR SPOUSE. You are two very different people.


But here's the GOOD NEWS: You are two very different people who were put together so that God could make you MORE LIKE HIMSELF!

Our marriages are meant to make us HOLY and MORE LIKE CHRIST! Truth. Marriage is a tool to worship God and to further and better share the Good News! When we SEE THIS and RECOGNIZE THIS AS TRUTH, we see our relationship in a whole new light!


It's not about YOU. It's about growing to become more like Christ! I recently heard in a Joyce Meyer sermon that "God WILL put you with someone who irritates you! But trust me, you will irritate them, too! That person God uses to rub against you and chip away the sin and the dirt in your life, and you in their life!" This is so true!

More than likely your spouse is going to hurt you at some point. ...and then again, and again and again. We're human and we are prone to fall. THANKFULLY the Lord is gracious and forgiving. Are YOU gracious and forgiving? No matter how deep the pain, in marriage, you've got to just take it to God and move on. Sometimes there will be the opportunity for discussion and other times your spouse is not going to be open to what you have to say. So, just take it to God and move on.

Marriage involves sacrifice and humility and honesty. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

We are to be a TEAM and encourage each other to pursue God, to obey God, to listen to God. But don't be smart! Don't think for a moment that you know exactly what your spouse needs! Listen. Be patient. Pray for them. 

Here are some questions you can ask yourself in your

 journey to becoming a more encouraging spouse:

What would help my spouse to grow closer to God? 

Have I been praying for my spouse on a regular basis?

Have I been praying over our home on a regular basis?

How can I remind my spouse of God's love this week?
How can I remind my spouse of God's promises this week?

What need has my spouse expressed to me this week? 

Has my spouse spoken of a desire to pray or read together?
What would encourage my spouse to pursue God more? 

Would it positively affect my spouse if I, myself, read MORE in the Word? 

Have I been reading the Bible on a regular basis?

Would it encourage my spouse to pursue God if I read the Bible with them anytime they asked or suggested it?

Have I been positive in my speech 
and in my actions this week?

Have I been honest with my spouse?

Have I been grateful in my speech 
towards my spouse this week?

Marriage is hard because it requires daily sacrifice and selflessness. You have to CHOOSE to love your spouse no matter what the day holds, no matter your confusion or frustration, no matter what your spouse did yesterday or even five minutes ago! 

Take it from me. Pause and look at the log in your own eye. Be merciful. You'd want your spouse to be merciful to you, right?

"Do for others as you would like them to do for you."
Luke 6:31

"Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love."
Ephesians 4:2

Forgive and forget. This is essential for life.

Be intentional. Be purposeful. Choose to act and speak in love, for this is the will of God for those who love him. 

"Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God---for God is love."
1 John 4:7-8

"But I say love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven..." Matthew 5:44-45a

"Love does no wrong to anyone, so love satisfies all of God's requirements." Romans 13:10

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

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I know that this was completely scatter-brained today but I felt the need to let this pour out from within my heart. I do believe that someone needs to hear this and I believe that it will sink right into their hearts, all thanks to the hands of God our Father.

May these words be a blessing and a light into someone's heart today, Father. That they may see what it is you have been longing for them to see and that they may be humbled and put in awe of your wondrous love for us! In the name of Jesus Christ, I ask this. Amen.

To My Husband on His Birthday

To My Dearest Husband,

You da bomb!

Okay okay, I'll try to contain my excitement just a LITTLE. ;)

You turn 26 today, you old geezer! Just kidding! I can't believe you're older than me! By a few months, but still...

We've been through A LOT together. Oh my goodness, a lot! I don't regret a single moment! The good OR the bad. I cherish them both, for I know that God has used our many days to grow us. So no, I don't regret a single moment. I look forward to experiencing the rest of my life with you! I look forward to the good AND the bad times with you. You make it so easy to love life!

My favorite things about you are these:

1. How you laugh extremely loud at things when the moment has completely passed by, and it wasn't even that funny to begin with...

2. How to try to flirt with me whenever I'm trying to get chores done (it's a love-hate relationship with that anyways)...

3. Your smile!!!

4. Your eyes...those big blue eyes!!! <3 p="">

5. Your arms...you're so manly! ::tries to sound sexy::

6. I love the way you giggle when I'm trying to make you laugh by being a corny little dork!

7. I love how hard you work to perfect all that you do!

8. I love how open and loving and caring you are to all the people you meet!

9. I love how you WANT to hear what I have to say.

10. You are such a kid, and I love that because of that, you keep us young and spirited!

11. You try to creep on me while I'll writing blogs. (You're walking in right now and I'm trying to hurry up so you can't read over my shoulder...'cause you will!)

12. You encourage me daily. You never ever give up, on me or on anyone. 

13. You seriously love and fear Christ.

 

Chris, 

You are an incredible leader in our home and in our relationship. Sometimes you are a silent leader and other times you are bold. You don't fear me or this world, but instead you fear God. For that, I am so grateful! You fight for the Truth and for your family. You are such a good listener. Your heart is so welcoming! You're so eager to learn about everything and everyone! You are so spirited and carefree, yet you have an incredible wisdom that can only come from God. Your peaceful attitude overwhelms me daily. You are so stinkin' peaceful! 

You are so eager to love! You love to show love, especially the kind that stops other people in their tracks! You were made to be a teacher! (Some may not understand that statement, but you do, and that's all that matters.) I've seen the gentleness and patience you have with others. It amazed me to this day. You love to teach others because you have that same eagerness to learn and to love!

Your smile is seriously the most wonderful, inviting thing ever! 

You melt me whenever you smile at me! Really. You do.

Chris, you are an incredibly hard worker and I am so grateful and appreciative of your (His) provision. You work so hard and long without complaining. You are truly a great witness for Christ. I believe in you more than you could ever know! You are fully capable of accomplishing whatever you put your mind to! You've always been that way! Everyone who knows you would tell you the same thing!

I love you so much! You are so good to me. You are so sweet, gentle, patient, kind and forgiving. I NEED you in my life. Your attitude humbles me every day. I love your soft eyes, your comforting hands, your big arms that hold me so tightly and I love your extremely warm hugs! Your kisses are the best! I'm sorry that I don't tell you these things enough! You have me forever baby! I will be by your side forever and a day!

I am so proud of the man you have become over the years and I sincerely believe that God has SO MUCH MORE in store for you!!! I cannot wait to see what He does in your life! 

 

 

I stinkin' love you babe!!! 

Simple Ways to Show Love on a Busy Day

You've probably seen my previous post A Letter to My Brother, where I talked 

about him getting married and gave him some advice to which I have learned over my 

short (three years) time of being married. Well, this is in response to the chaos of wedding weekends.

We so often get so busy that it's hard to show our significant other those loving touches,

 caring words and flirtatious attitude. I was surprised with how easily my husband and I were able to express love to each even though it felt like we hardly saw each other. So I'd like to share 

some things that I noticed worked for us now and have worked for in the past!

BE PHYSICAL

Be physical whenever you can!
Rest your head on his shoulders if you're having to stand around for a minute.

Grab hands even if it's just for a split second.

Touch his or her back or waist gently as you pass by.

Hug him/her tightly whenever you can pause for two seconds.

BE FLIRTATIOUS

Use your eyes and body language to flirt from across the room!
Create and use code words that only your spouse will understand.

Give him/her a quick tap on the bottom as you walk on by.

 For the ladies: do a little model walk to get his attention!
Make eye contact and smile.

LEAVE A NOTE

I like to leave Chris sweet messages sometimes by writing on our mirror or on 

our washing machine with a dry erase marker.
In college I used to leave sticky notes on his steering wheel.
Write a letter when you have time, and on a busy day, slip it into his/her pocket. 

ACTS OF SERVICE

If your spouse is busy, bring him/her a drink or snack.
Be in tune with what he may need and help him out if you can.
If you're spouse is busy, do a chore that is on her to-do list.

BE VERBAL

Text or e-mail her throughout the day.

Give praise and show appreciation.


I hope you find these helpful! And I hope you find more ways to show your 

spouse love on those busy busy days!

If you liked this, you might also like:

1. 50 WAYS to Show Your Husband You LOVE HIM
via Mindy at Busy Bliss

2. 30 Ways to Love Your Husband

via Darlene at Time Warp Wife

Free as a Bird

So, I borrowed this AMAZING book called Waking the Dead from an awesome man from church. (of course I borrowed it about a year ago, I'm so bad!) This chapter was concerning counseling. We have so many wounds that came from the people close to us, whether family or friends. John Eldredge talks about how God brings back memories for a reason. "Go with him there. He has something to say to you." Our God heals and counsels.

It blows my mind every time I am (once again) reminded of how much God loves me. I am not perfect, FAR from it, but to know that God loves me...I mean, truly loves me, is a big deal. These emotions that arise within us at times: fear, sadness, anger, regret, are all opportunites or rather, invitations to go with him "into the deep waters of the heart." I have never thought about that before. These emotions are an invitation by God, to learn about my own heart and what God has to say about it.

My heart is good. Your heart is good. God made our hearts to be good. Wow. What have you learned about your own heart? I've learned over the years, that my heart is a waste of time. I've learned that its passions are "pathetic" and weak. I've learned that my heart is a laughing matter. I have seriously learned that over the years. Somewhere deep down, haven't you known that your heart was good?

Now, I have learned so much in the past seven years or so. All by the grace of God, I realized (through a tough and in my case, traumatic, conversation) that I was "better than that." I began to learn that my heart was and is good. It was like a spark lit in my mind and I all of the sudden knew that I had a greater purpose. Weirdest thing, if I do say so myself. God showed me what I didn't want to become. This made me run the other direction, which was finally the RIGHT direction. God became my true guide for the first time when I was sixteen. Through that, he taught me all about his love. Since he was my guide, my parent and my role model, he showed me how much he loved me. He showed me what was good about me and what could be changed. ...but mostly his love. It never hit me that God loved me unconditionally until I met Chris.

I remember hurting myself one day and I thought to tell Chris. I don't remember telling him about it before then, so this might have been a shock to him. I don't know. I think I was waiting for him to go into shock at what I did, but he didn't. He wasn't scared at all. He carried me, in a sense. He held my hand, while he was the one with the strength in that moment. I remember being blown away by his gentless and care. Who would or could even love someone like this? Someone like me? Jesus, what?!! I don't get it! God, for real?

I went on forever and a day asking God if I was dreaming. Is this love? What is this? I am being spoiled? Does he actually care?

God started trying to get me to see how much he loved me and how much my sins didn't make him love me any less. I am beautiful to him. He was trying to get me to see that and grasp that. Well, I have been so blessed by God and I DO see his love for me now. I still don't understand it, and I may never understand it, but I have finally accepted his love. ...and it is freeing!