Forbidden Fruit

So, this is personal.

I really wish that I would start making the wise choice instead of picking the wrong ones. It's like, I see the wise choice, the choice that could change my whole life for the better,...but then I choose the forbidden fruit. I don't know what is in me to choose the wrong choice,...I know what I am supposed to do and I know what can happen if I choose what's right, but I still pick the wrong choice.

Since February, I have felt a heart for God but then my actions show none of it. Goodness!...this year is all about self-discipline! I need to strive towards that lesson...self-discipline...just DO what's right.

Hmm...This blog is no where near prepared. All of this is just what's popping out of my head.

I am longing for God and the glory of the Lord...I know that there is so much more!! ...but it's like Paul said...I want to do what's right but then I don't. I don't want to do what's wrong...but I do it anyways. ...sometimes I hate being human.

My fiance told me today about a dream he had last night...A woman and her husband had a daughter who was later kidnapped. The mother freaked and replaced her daughter with an inanimate object, in which she took care of just like she would her daughter. She bathed it, talked to it and everything! What do YOU think this means? I think of joy taken from me and how I panicked without it...so I replaced it with a fake love. This fake love was definitely not the same. ....

Hmm...let's see...what else is on my mind....

I am learning piano right now and the other day I was practicing a song...and the Holy Spirit was just like... POW!!! ...yayness! It excites me to see God's glory!...why don't I pursue it more? ...I don't know.