I was going to talk about this week's sermon, however, my heart is leading me to share something else.
I want to talk about bitterness. Bitterness in marriage, in particular.
It happens in all marriages and that's the truth. Don't deny it.
This is hard to talk about because it's wayyy personal, but hey, if it helps someone else wake up to their reality
and/or be encouraged, I'll share it.
I'd like to preface this by saying that in no way do my husband and I
Marriage is hard. It's really hard. Your spouse is going to hurt you, a lot. Often. More so if he or she is not truly walking
with the Lord on a daily basis.
You may not like the word "bitter" or any of the words I use, so if you don't like it, you can change the words yourself. However it's said, it's the truth. We as humans easily grow bitter towards people that hurt us, especially the people we look up to.
Your spouse, he or she is going to hurt your feelings on more than one occasion. The more they know you,
the deeper they can reach and the deeper the pain in moments.
Wives, please do not take advantage of the fact that your husband will do pretty much anything for you! We as women can really hurt the men in our lives and make the bitterness go even deeper because we still expect to be treated as a "queen". Don't criticize him thinking it's the same thing as "holding him accountable" or "calling him out". Don't make fun of the things he loves, no matter what you think. Your approval means the world to him. You can crush him in an instant if you're not too careful. Don't laugh when he says something the wrong way. Just don't laugh AT him at all, unless he's being funny just to make you laugh. Men are not weak. They are incredibly strong and if they wanted to, they could destroy everything that you are in one single sentence...but they are also way more sensitive than you think. I think God made men sweet on purpose. He knows that He gave them a power to lift up and to destroy. Women, especially those of you with control issues, self-esteem issues,
and anger issues...quit stomping on your man! 'Cause that is in a sense
what is it! LOVE HIM AND RESPECT HIM!!! How do you expect him to lead
and take this extraordinary role you dream of if you keep stomping him
into the ground!
Wives, your husband needs you to believe in him. He is only human. He needs you. He needs you to be the woman you are. He needs you to be feminine and all that entails. He needs you to take care of him, comfort him and rescue him. He's an extremely hard worker. His every effort is for your benefit. He wants to make you so so happy. Sweetie, love on your husband. He needs your touch. He needs your kind words and he needs to hear you praise him to others.
We are to respect our husbands (Ephesians 5). Do you know what respect means? You should do an in-depth study of that word, respect. You'd be speechless. One day I will blog about the word "respect" but today we don't have time for that, but let me tell you! After researching "respect", I cried. I cried for a really long time. I definitely don't respect my husband. Not according to the definition anyway. I always thought that I did. What was I thinking? What do you think "respect" means?
RESPECT HIM! Stand in AWE of him! Praise him! Speak nothing but beautiful words of him!
Follow him because he's WISE! BELIEVE that he is WISE.
This is only part of what I learned about respect in my study. Only part. Only a little glimpse into what this means.
RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND!
My husband is amazing. A M A Z I N G! I mean it!
Let me step aside for a minute and talk about my husband...
He is...sigh...the most beautiful and kind man I've ever known. He treats me with the utmost selflessness. He puts me first (after Christ of course), always, no matter how he feels about me. He gives up so much of his own joy and preference so that I can escape the chaos of my day. He never brings up my bad habits. He just smiles and flirts with me. (Yes, flirts...he's good at that, too!) He makes me smile and giggle like a teeny-bopper with her first crush! He knows exactly what to say to make me feel better and he knows exactly what I want to ask of him when I approach him. He may struggle in some moments to pay attention, but my husband KNOWS what I need and when I need it. He is listening even when I feel like he isn't. He has HEARD me speak even when I think he's fallen asleep. He KNOWS me. My heart is shaking and only because this is TRUTH. THIS is the TRUTH I should be speaking over my husband DAILY! You hear that, Chris?
Women, remember the TRUTH about your husband or significant other. Remember why you fell in love in the first place. What made you giggle? What made you day dream about him? Was it his overwhelming love for God? That's what made me want to FOLLOW Chris. I wanted him to lead our future family! I had told my mom in high school that "if by some chance I have a child and it's not his, I want no other man to raise my child". I KNEW that this man was a leader! I KNEW that he was a powerful tool in God's hands!!! He still is!!! Are you listening, Chris?
REMEMBER!!!
Men, do not treat your wives as a tool, especially if they work at home or stay at home with your children. Do not ignore them. Do not forget them. They need you. They need everything that you are, everything that you are capable of...they need you. Men, you are to LOVE your wives (Ephesians 5). Part of loving your wife means being honest with them. It doesn't necessarily mean "get all sappy", but be truthful. Be real. Be there. Love also means speaking truth
over them. (This also goes for wives.) God's truth. Remind them of God's Word and promises. They need to hear it. Hug her. Hold her. Hold her hand. LET her cry. Cuddle with her. Do not neglect her simply because you would rather be doing something else. YOU impact her heart. YOU are wanted. She thinks about you every single day, especially when you are away. If you stay up late, unless she's exhausted and already asleep, she's wishing you were with her making her smile. YOU are a leader. REMEMBER that! I can't express it enough!
Your wife is fragile. She has a million thoughts running through her head and a lot of these thoughts are things that she has to fix, change, do. She probably feels like no matter what she accomplishes, it's never enough. There's always more! It's OKAY to pamper her. In fact, I bet if it's been a while, she'll cry. She's always trying to be tough and to keep a strong face when in reality, she feels tired. Tired of trying so hard. Tired of always having to DO something. She needs your open arms to fall into. You are her escape. You are her rescue, peace and comfort. Be blessed! She is also tough enough to listen to your complaints. Treat her, not just like a princess, but as a friend, someone who can listen to you and accept your accountability, because she can.
Quit pressuring your spouse to do or be something that they're not. They are who they are and God made them that way! You fell in love with that person anyway, didn't you? Quit setting such high standards for each other! Most likely neither one of you are going to reach many of those said standards and it's just going to end up in pain.
All of these habits, they lead to bitterness in your spouse. Bitterness is a hard web to escape. It feels close to impossible. Believe me, I know. It is a long and difficult journey to being set free from bitterness. Chris and I have just realized our bitterness in our marriage. We have hidden it to the point we didn't recognize it. (That's a bad thing.) We recently had a long conversation in which we acknowledged how much pain we've cause each other over time. This is so embarrassing to speak of, after all, we are supposed to be a godly couple who holds God's love in all we do, right?? Don't be afraid to release this burden with your spouse! It set me and my husband free! ADMIT IT OUT LOUD. Say it... "I am bitter" "We are bitter" I had to say it, "Chris, we have been so bitter with each other, admit it." ...and it was truth, we were bitter with each other simply because we have both been so tired and weak. We needed God (still do) to touch our hearts and comfort us. Life has been hard, even more so since having Hannah. She challenges us in ways we never thought possible. She wears us out to the point it's difficult to provide that love to each other. Then we try to escape our stress and exhaustion in other ways. Don't do that. Don't make the same mistakes we did. Don't forget each other. Cherish each other. Make sure that you go on dates outside of the home and don't just go to a movie. If the only thing close to going on a date is star gazing in your yard or going on a walk with the kids, do it! You both need it! CHOOSE to fall in love again!
Look, I know that this was a lot of random jibber-jabber but I cannot express this enough...
FIGHT for your marriage!!!
REMEMBER the TRUTH, GOD'S TRUTH
REMEMBER WHY you fell in love! REMEMBER HOW you fell in love!
REMIND him why you fell in love with him! REMIND her why you fell in love with her!
PRAISE her! PRAISE him!
SAY KIND WORDS
BELIEVE IN HER! BELIEVE IN HIM!
LOVE
RESPECT
So often we get into bad habits of: expecting things, asking for too much, criticizing too much, saying too much, saying too little, escaping to things outside of our marriage and God...We get so caught up in just trying to survive life or avoid confrontation about personal struggles that we forget that we play a huge role in our relationships. We forget that we are needed and that every word out of our mouths is clung onto in a longing for God's truth. It's the truth. I am not that important, but God has placed me in a place of influence. God has placed YOU in a place of influence. Therefore, your words enter into your spouses heart...every, single, time. We forget that. Let us change these habits and focus on uplifting our marriages once again. They are, after all, a gift that leads us closer and closer to Christ!
