Monday Madness | Motivation

I'm trying really hard not to cry.
I'm sitting here in my favorite coffee shop and I feel just so overwhelmed.

This morning I woke up with so much motivation!

I had this idea that I was going to get our bedroom cleaned, laundry put up, the rooms vacuumed, the dishes cleaned, bathrooms cleaned, start my grocery list and meal plan for the month of July, and maybe even bake some delicious cookies! I was stopped in my tracks, however, with my needy little toddler. 

Hannah apparently decided that today she wasn't going to agree with anything I do (or DON'T do for that matter). She cried when I let go of the book she'd been reading for the past twenty minutes. She cried when I stood up, when I shifted positions, when I walked, when I talked, when I sang, when I ate, when I cleaned, when I used the bathroom, when I DIDN'T do anything, and when I KEPT doing stuff. It was just aggravating. Seriously. Does anyone else have this problem?
 

I feel like I just lose all aspect of priorities, like I have no earthly idea what to do next!And that's only the start! It tends to burrow deeper than that the more it happens. It makes me feel like a bad mom, like I've done something (or many things) wrong! It's one of the worst feelings I've experienced as a mom. The thought runs through my mind, "My child continues to cry probably because I haven't treated her or taken care of her the way I should." I'm pretty sure I experience both anger and sadness in these moments. 

 This afternoon Hannah fought a nap for over an hour and when I finally got her down, I had no idea where to start. Everything on my to-do list all of the sudden seemed larger and more difficult. Why couldn't I have just cleaned this morning when I had the motivation instead of after I've been "chained" to a child for the past four hour! Grr. Eventually I was able to put up Hannah's clothes, most of it anyway. You have to fight that girl in order to KEEP her clothes in her drawers.

And the fight continues! I had only been sitting for about twenty minutes before I could hear her crying from her crib. Just stay asleep, will you!

I spent the rest of the day simply sitting on the floor, being climbed on by my one year old, feeling defeated. Can someone tell me how I'm supposed to be a good mom or a good wife, when I can't even move? 'Cause some days I just don't know! Our day consisted a whole lot of tears, screaming and throwing things. My daughter is addicted to books, so you can bet we read the same book (not multiple, just the one today) a gazillion times!

My patience is still running thin (even after escaping the house, thanks to my wonderful husband) and oh my goodness, I would just love to collect my thoughts, maybe even do the laundry.

Maybe this is all just a beautiful hill to climb in order to get closer to Christ. Maybe these tiring and frustrating days are what causes us to lean of the everlasting love and hope that is Christ. Maybe all the times I am so tempted to get mad, are really just a tool God uses to draw me into Him.

I want to end this in giving praise to God for all the hardships that I (we) could ever face and of course a special thanks to my husband for all of his support and friendship.

Chris, you are amazing and I could never explain how 
very much you mean to me. I take out so much of my frustrations on you and I am so so so sorry! You don't deserve any of it. You are a wonderful, patient, peaceful, gentle, caring, and compassionate man. You love me greatly through all the good and the bad days. You love me. I know you do, without a doubt. I can only hope and pray that God really teaches me and helps me become a better wife for you.

Father, thank you. I need you. I need you a lot, and you know that full well. You love me so much that you would do anything to draw me into your presence. Whether I cause my suffering, or you do, you draw me in with a love that is so grand that I cannot even begin to explain! You drown me in your love, mercy and compassion! 
"I don't have time to maintain these regrets (anger, sadness, bitterness, fear,...etc) when I think about the way that you love us!" - How He Loves

 I am encouraged. My God is good and He will use all the things that happen in my life. He uses the good and the bad, and works them out for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose (Ephesians 8:28).

I pray you find your hope this evening like I have.
We have reason to be hopeful! God plans to give us hope and a future. They are plans to prosper us, not to harm us. (Jeremiah 29:11) And He has given us ALL that WE could possibly NEED for life and godliness! (2 Peter 1:3)
I am so weak, but my Father is strong! "For He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak!" Isaiah 40:29
Praise Jesus!!!