So, This is Personal

 It's six in the morning. I usually wake up around this time and simply lay here in the quiet. I feel the urge to really get up and spend time by myself and with God, but then the rest of me says that sleep is just way too good to pass up! So what do I do? I usually just continue to lay here. Conviction.

I've really been convicted lately, of a lot of things...

I've often heard God tell me how He wants me to get up early with Him, but I always seem 
to stay up really late. In turn, I'm always too tired to wake up early.

I've been convicted of not reading enough of the Word. That I've got the time but that 
I rarely use it in a way that might benefit my heart and spirit.

I've been convicted of not reading enough of the Word to Hannah. Believe me, there 
is POWER in the name of Jesus. Praying with her, I can sense that God is moving in her 
heart just through our prayers together...but reading the Word, is just as important!

I've been convicted on not trying to look "cute" for my husband.

So random, I know! But God knows what He's doing. He has opened my eyes more and more to the things in my life that COULD be, if only I sought Him out and brought my family along on the journey!

I think it might be funny, though, that God has been urging me to get up early to read and spend time with Him, but I am always falling asleep. Do I need to get up and drive somewhere else in the mornings so that I can focus or something? I might have to.

It's like I keep choosing the easy or comfortable way and as a result, I'm not receiving in full the transformation that God has called me to. 

Shouldn't I be remembering the results of my young passion in Christ and be in awe because He can move in me like that again??? Shouldn't I be do ANYTHING I can to get back into His presence, where I can hear His every Word to me and see His every move??? Oh, how I miss the days that God felt so close and so real!

I have gone through, what I feel like, has been a season of grace. I have been covered in His love and not forgotten, but I've kind of forgotten Him.

Raising our first child has left me in chaos trying to learn how to live life all over again. It felt so chaotic that I didn't see that I still had time for God on a daily basis! Don't get me wrong, I have spent hours reading His Word and praying with Him. Reading to Hannah and praying for her daddy together. But there's something different when you are really pursuing God. Do you know what I mean?

I can read His Word and talk to Him. I can spend time in the Word to gain encouragement and insight, but am I really pursuing His heart???

THIS is my conviction.

I've got time. I've got lots of time. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I can drop what I'm doing at almost any time of day and pursue Him! So why don't I?

God uses the mundane. He uses everything we go through and all our life circumstances to grow us. To make us more like Christ. I fully believe that, and for some, that is simply where they are supposed to be. And that's OKAY! But I believe that God is calling me to step back out onto the field. I have gone through my season of grace, my season of practical learning, and now He's telling me it's time to get up.

So where do I start? What do I do? Do I get up early every morning to be with Him? Yes, because He told me specifically to do so! Do I need to find a way to stay awake so that I can obey Him and read the Bible? Yes, I fully believe so. If I need to get out and drive somewhere to stay awake, then that's what I need to do! Do I just pick any book of the Bible and start reading? I guess so! 

This verse has always been written on my heart. It has stayed with me my entire life, or for as long as I can remember...

Isaiah 55:11 | "so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." (NIV via Bible Gateway)

There is PURPOSE in God's Word and it will ALWAYS be used! I think of this every time I start to jump back into the Bible and I never feel like I'm getting anything out of it.

So what's stopping me from pursuing God like I'm being told? Like I want to? Like I need to?

Or am I just hindering myself?

I started to pick up the Bible this morning, when I felt more led to pour out my heart on paper. I felt like I wasn't receiving anything from reading. I've just finished reading Ephesians and now I am not too sure what to read next! We just finished reading Philippians in my mom's group, so, Colossians? I guess so.

Just READ. That's what I keep telling myself. Just READ! God will use whatever I read in some way, even if I don't see it immediately. 

I'm preaching to myself when I say this...

JUST DO IT!!! Whatever God has urged me to do, I need to do it...whatever it may be. JUST DO IT! However I need to accomplish it, I JUST need to DO IT! 
Quit choosing a little bit of sleep over alone time with God. That's just stupid, Stephanie. You know how to manage your time, at least well enough to know how to go to bed early and wake up early! Stephanie, get up. Get up and pursue your Father, that PERFECT Father who would do anything for you to see His glory and truth! Pursue Him!!! JUST DO IT!!!

2 Peter 1:3
| "
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." (NIV via Bible Gateway)

I am reminded that I have no excuse, because He's given me everything I could need for a godly life. The life God has called me to live. 

Again, everyone is in a different season of life. Some are on fire and pursuing the ministry they have always dreamed of and prayed about and others are living a more routine life, mundane and a little boring. God has called each of us to bloom FULLY where He has planted us. Some of you may know that you are where you are supposed to be, and others, like me, know that God is calling them to change!

God has been calling me to change! And He's reminding me (simply through writing all this out) that I have all that it takes to wake up early and really dive into His Word and into His presence! I have all that it takes to open the Bible throughout the day and read His Word! I have all that it takes to read His Word to my little girl and to teach her about God! (Teaching Toddlers about God post is right here.) I have everything it takes to get up early enough to make myself presentable before my husband!

So what's my excuse? What's holding me back?


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