4 Tips to Using Your WORDS More Often

Let me start this by saying that this is so beneficial for everyone, not just people who struggle with using their words to affirm their spouse.

Okay, so, anyone who knows me knows that I can talk like nobody's business, but I am awful when it comes to daily compliments or affirmation. It's something that I have to be intentional about or I'll forget! It's not that I don't like you, love you or admire you...I just don't think about it!

I'm not a "words" person. Often I find myself wondering what people want from me whenever they compliment me. Am I alone in this?

My husband however, is a "words" person. He finds great encouragement and discouragement by the words spoken to/about him. My husband is not weak and he's definitely not a "cry baby", but words do mean more to him than they do to me on most occasions...and I forget that...just about every day.

We recently attended a Bible study concerning the book The 5 Love Languages. If you haven't read this before, you should! It's written by Gary Chapman and it is such a good book! You learn so much about speaking your spouse's love language as well as learning about your own love language!

Did you know that you have a love language?

Basically, Chapman talks about is how each one of us have different ways of expressing and receiving love. He says that there are five different love languages: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, and Acts of Service. Basically, you would value one of these more than another and the one you value the most is most likely your "love language".

Example #1: I like getting gifts from Chris, but honestly, I don't feel any more loved or unloved simply because he gives me or doesn't give me gifts. This implies that Receiving Gifts is not the best way to show me love. Does that explanation make sense?

Example #2: I have found that I feel increasingly happy, more content in my marriage, and extremely loved whenever Chris and I spend good quality time together away from technology and sometimes away from home. When Chris hasn't spent any good quality time with me, I start to feel sad and unloved. This would imply that my love language is "quality time" and that quality time is the best way to show me love. Does that make sense?

When you spend good quality time with me, you're showing me love the way I best receive it! Chris receives love through words of affirmation. When I compliment him and thank him for his hard work, I am showing him love in the best way he receives it!

Example #3: Chris enjoys gifts, but just like me, gifts do not make him feel anymore loved than he already did. This implies that Receiving Gifts is not the best way to show him love.

Example #4: Chris gets increasingly happy when I use my words to uplift him (anybody would, but this is a daily essential for him). He feels so much more loved by me when I speak life into him! 

I can do with one or two compliments a month, but Chris thrives off of DAILY encouragement and uplifting words. I think that's an important distinction to make...someone who's love language is words of affirmation needs more than just one or two compliments a month. They need it almost daily. Because Chris blooms through the use of words, this implies that the best way to show him love is through your words. I know that I am being very "wordy", haha...but does this make sense at all?

This is not to say that we don't receive love in any other way, but these are the greatest ways that someone could show us love!

So this leads me to my topic for today. (Getting back on track here...) Chris's love language is Words of Affirmation. I suck at providing regular affirmation, simply because it's not as important to ME. I don't think about it as something he needs or wants, because I don't need it and want it as much as he does.

I've been really convicted about this and I've tried so many different ways to express appreciation to him! Some moments have been really awkward and incredibly forced, and other times it has worked out fairly well.

I thank the Lord because I am starting to really see the opportunities to use my words to show him love! I know that this sounds so basic. It is...but I still struggle with it! 

I know that Chris has recently noticed me "trying" to compliment him more...That's sounds so bad! Haha!...but I can honestly see how God has been working within me so that I can really show my husband love in the best way possible! 

I can easily compliment my husband every now and then on paper or on the keyboard, but I struggle with speaking it to him DAILY!

There are so many wonderful things about my husband. I could write an entire post, an entire series on the wonderful things about my husband, but would good is that if I can't even tell him to his face every day?

This is my conviction. My challenge. My project. My life long goal. To speak my husband's love language. To show him love in the way he receives it best! And believe me, I've seen what it does to him! This man blooms when given the proper affirmation and it's a beautiful thing! 

I am writing this for the not-so-wordy folks around me. I want to share some tips I have been learning that help me to speak more directly to my husbands heart!

#1 Speak it the moment you think of it. If your spouse has cleaned the entire kitchen, tell them how grateful you are the moment you see what they've done. Don't wait. Say it now! Even if you have to text them because they aren't home. If you like what she or he is wearing, say it now! To earn bonus points, use words like hot or sexy! :)

#2 Plan it when you're actually thinking about it. Write him a letter. Text her. Leave her a note. Set an alarm, reminding you to compliment him when he gets home from work. To earn bonus points, mail him a sweet love letter to his office. Husbands you can do the same, mailing your wife a letter from work. Planning to affirm your spouse puts your mindset into vocalizing wonderful things to him and about him.

#3 Show gratitude. This is so basic, but it's something I have honestly had to remind myself! A huge part in showing affirmation is simply being grateful and expressing your thanks. Be grateful, and be vocal about it! If he's picked up your entire house, thank him! If your wife has clearly been working on laundry all day, say thank you! 

#4 Acknowledge the good things you notice. Almost every day my husband chases our daughter around the house, throwing her into a fit of giggles and laughs! When they stop running around, then would be the time to tell him how good of a father he is and that I can see how much he loves his little girl! If you see your husband cuddling with your child, tell him how much you love seeing those precious moments and how much he deserves those little cuddles! If your wife lets someone cut in front of her in line, tell her how grateful you are that you have such a giving and generous spouse. 

I am by no means an expert on this and I have sooo much that I need to work on, but these four things have really helped me make it a practical habit in my day-to-day life. They are some of the easiest ways to affirm your spouse!

I pray constantly that God shows me how great my husband is. It's not that I don't see it, but life gets so crazy sometimes that it's difficult to recognize the little things, the good things.

I could continue to say to express when he has met your needs and to tell her that you need her. I could tell you to listen more and say less, but I do believe that if you practice the four habits above, that you would really impact your spouse's life...especially if they receive love best through words of affirmation.

What do you do to show your spouse love? What does your spouse seem to appreciate the most? What makes them feel the MOST loved by you? Did you find this helpful?

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